Long before I got married a desire lived in me to someday be a mom. I often thought I would get married young and have lots of kids. My passion for kids came alive in me at a young age, and I spent several years of my life caring for and teaching young children, before having a child of my own.
My Husband and I got pregnant with our first child a year into our marriage and we were elated to say the least. It just so worked out that I was able surprise my husband with the good news, on his birthday. I’ll never forget the awestruck look on his face when I told him. We were both so grateful for this new life growing inside of me, not only because we to both wanted to be parents, but also because we knew just how special our baby was.
About a year before my Husband and I met, he was in a bad motorcycle accident and suffered a complete spinal cord injury, leaving him paralyzed, on top of a traumatic brain injury. From what I am told, the fact that he is alive today and doing as well as he is—is a miracle in itself. We went into our marriage knowing that we would probably face some challenges with being able to conceive. I remember having those conversations even when we were in the dating phase of our relationship.
But we relied on our faith in God. And He calmed our fears and showered us with grace.
He blessed us with a son, our miracle Micah. And not a day goes by that I am not grateful for our joyful, curious, sweet, healthy bundle of all-boy energy. He is gift not only to my husband and I, but to so many others as well.
The infamous question people have asked us since our son’s birth is, “So do you want to have more kids?”
And the answer has always been, “Yes.”
Our son is almost three years old, and as time ticks on, that has become a harder question for me to answer without pain welling up inside of me. For us, it’s not at all a question of if we want to have more kids. Our question looks more like, “What is God’s will for our little family? Will he make what seems like the impossible, possible for us again?”
My Husband and I long for our family to grow. We long for our son to have a sibling or siblings to play with. I long to have a little life growing inside of me again. But we haven’t been able to get pregnant again…yet.
I try to hold back the tears when my son asks me, “Mommy where’s my brother? Where’s my sister?” Sometimes I can’t find the words to say, but usually my response is, “I hope he or she is coming soon sweetheart.”
Waiting hurts sometimes. And when it does, it can do one of two things: It can either make us grow bitter and discouraged, or it can allow us to grow closer to our source of all hope—Jesus.
There is strength in the Lord. The sort of strength that allows us to press on even when facing difficult circumstances; The sort of strength that helps us keep trusting in God’s promises even though we don’t know the future; The sort of strength that can replace our fears and worries with a peace that passes all understanding.
If we allow the struggle of waiting to point us to Jesus, we might actually find something different than expected. Our struggles are an opportunity for us to grow closer to the One who wants to carry the burden of our heavy load. Our struggles are an opportunity for us to develop virtues like patience and trust, treasures that hold eternal value. Our struggles are an opportunity to become aware of our deeper longing and need for Jesus. And our struggles can awaken us to the “secret” Paul talks about in Philippians.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)
The secret to being content in this life no matter what we are going through—is knowing that there is everlasting hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. The hope of Jesus sets us frees from the things we cannot free ourselves from. The hope of Jesus offers us the promise of better things to come, even though the present moment might be challenging.
It’s when we need hope the most, that hope heals us the most.
What we need, is not to know all the details of the future. What we need is the One who knows all the details of the future. Because once we find Him, we can trust Him to lead the way. We can wait in anticipation that good things are ahead. We can wait in hope that God will work everything out for our good.
Whether you’re waiting for a first child, more children, a spouse to share life with, the return home of a loved one, an end to a challenging season…whatever your “waiting” is…know that when you bring your heart to Jesus, He will renew your strength and heal spaces in you that only He can.
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning. ~Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)
The waiting hurts right now for me, some days more than others, but my strength is in the Lord. He is faithful, He is loving, and He is good all the time. Hope lives because of Jesus, and every morning is a choice for me to wake up and choose that hope over the things that want to weigh me down. And as I wait, I don’t take for granted the amazing child that I already do have. I will cherish the sweet moments I have with him. I will keep pouring into to his life the best that I can. And I will anticipate with hope, that one day he will get to be a big brother.
When waiting hurts, hope heals.
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