When Waiting Hurts, Hope Heals

 

waitingLong before I got married a desire lived in me to someday be a mom. I often thought I would get married young and have lots of kids. My passion for kids came alive in me at a young age, and I spent several years of my life caring for and teaching young children, before having a child of my own.

My Husband and I got pregnant with our first child a year into our marriage and we were elated to say the least.  It just so worked out that I was able surprise my husband with the good news, on his birthday.  I’ll never forget the awestruck look on his face when I told him. We were both so grateful for this new life growing inside of me, not only because we to both wanted to be parents, but also because we knew just how special our baby was.

About a year before my Husband and I met, he was in a bad motorcycle accident and suffered a complete spinal cord injury, leaving him paralyzed, on top of a traumatic brain injury.  From what I am told, the fact that he is alive today and doing as well as he is—is a miracle in itself. We went into our marriage knowing that we would probably face some challenges with being able to conceive. I remember having those conversations even when we were in the dating phase of our relationship.

But we relied on our faith in God. And He calmed our fears and showered us with grace.

He blessed us with a son, our miracle Micah. And not a day goes by that I am not grateful for our joyful, curious, sweet, healthy bundle of all-boy energy.  He is gift not only to my husband and I, but to so many others as well.

The infamous question people have asked us since our son’s birth is, “So do you want to have more kids?”

And the answer has always been, “Yes.”

Our son is almost three years old, and as time ticks on, that has become a harder question for me to answer without pain welling up inside of me. For us, it’s not at all a question of if we want to have more kids. Our question looks more like, “What is God’s will for our little family? Will he make what seems like the impossible, possible for us again?”

My Husband and I long for our family to grow. We long for our son to have a sibling or siblings to play with. I long to have a little life growing inside of me again. But we haven’t been able to get pregnant again…yet.

I try to hold back the tears when my son asks me, “Mommy where’s my brother? Where’s my sister?” Sometimes I can’t find the words to say, but usually my response is,  “I hope he or she is coming soon sweetheart.”

Waiting hurts sometimes. And when it does, it can do one of two things: It can either make us grow bitter and discouraged, or it can allow us to grow closer to our source of all hope—Jesus.  

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There is strength in the Lord. The sort of strength that allows us to press on even when facing difficult circumstances; The sort of strength that  helps us keep trusting in God’s promises even though we don’t know the future; The sort of strength that can replace our fears and worries with a peace that passes all understanding.

If we allow the struggle of waiting to point us to Jesus, we might actually find something different than expected. Our struggles are an opportunity for us to grow closer to the One who wants to carry the burden of our heavy load. Our struggles are an opportunity for us to develop virtues like patience and trust, treasures that hold eternal value. Our struggles are an opportunity to become aware of our deeper longing and need for Jesus.  And our struggles can awaken us to the “secret” Paul talks about in Philippians.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)

The secret to being content in this life no matter what we are going through—is knowing that there is everlasting hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. The hope of Jesus sets us frees from the things we cannot free ourselves from. The hope of Jesus offers us the promise of better things to come, even though the present moment might be challenging.

It’s when we need hope the most, that hope heals us the most.

What we need, is not to know all the details of the future. What we need is the One who knows all the details of the future.  Because once we find Him, we can trust Him to lead the way. We can wait in anticipation that good things are ahead. We can wait in hope that God will work everything out for our good.

Whether you’re waiting for a first child, more children, a spouse to share life with, the return home of a loved one, an end to a challenging season…whatever your “waiting” is…know that when you bring your heart to Jesus, He will renew your strength and heal spaces in you that only He can.

Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning. ~Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)

The waiting hurts right now for me, some days more than others, but my strength is in the Lord. He is faithful, He is loving, and He is good all the time. Hope lives because of Jesus, and every morning is a choice for me to wake up and choose that hope over the things that want to weigh me down. And as I wait, I don’t take for granted the amazing child that I already do have. I will cherish the sweet moments I have with him. I will keep pouring into to his life the best that I can. And I will anticipate with hope, that one day he will get to be a big brother.

When waiting hurts, hope heals.

—–

hannah

 

 

 

(C) 2014 Pocketful of Motherhood, All Rights Reserved.

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17 thoughts on “When Waiting Hurts, Hope Heals

  1. Hannah, this is beautiful. I am in a very similar situation to you right at this moment and thank you so much for sharing! The last paragraph of your post is exactly how I feel.

    When it seems like everyone else is expecting and having babies, I feel so disheartened. Though, through this time of praying for baby #2, God is teaching me so much about patience, persistence in prayer, and contentment.

    Again, thank you so much for sharing this and I will keep you in my prayers!
    Amy @ http://livinglifetruth.blogspot.com/

    • Amy, Thank you for your kind words and encouragement to me. I’m glad God has connected us, even if it’s from afar…I know that’s for a reason. Being able to put a voice to the struggle can be so hard, but I thank you for taking the time to come by and share your heart too. That blesses me.

      I will keep on praying for you during your time of waiting. Thank you for your prayers too!! Hugs, Hannah

  2. Wow Hannah- this was beautiful! Thanks for so vulnerably sharing your heart and your story with us!
    Though for different reasons, my husband and I are unable to have our own biological children. This news was of course heartbreaking, and doesn’t necessarily get easier as the years go on. Some days are harder than others, and yet I am thankful for God’s grace that I am at peace in the midst of the hurting and wondering and waiting.
    I so appreciated your post!!
    May God continue to comfort our hearts and give us His peace as we look to Him in our longing.

    • Oh Lori, thank you for your encouraging words and for sharing your heart. I’m sorry for the hurt you have endured, and I do pray that God will give you continued peace in the midst of it all. The way that you trust Him even so, is a reflection of your beautiful heart that I see shine through in the recipes and words you share on your wonderful blog. I’m grateful we can encourage each other as we keep waiting and longing. Hugs!

      • Hannah- thanks for your super caring response back! And for your sweet words! It is always wonderful to meet someone else who knows how I feel…as much as I wish you didn’t have to go through this. As I pray for us, I will pray for you guys! So grateful for a God who knows us and cares deeply! Hugs back!

  3. tears.
    our waiting is very different–on a geopolitical situation that seems hopeless. Your words, applied to our friends living in the shadow of war, are very powerful. Thank you for speaking the truths of God so beautifully.

    • Thank you Kara, and I can only imagine the sort of waiting you guys experience. I’m grateful that God’s truths can be a comfort to us all in the midst of the hardships, pain, and longing for something better to rise up.I will continue to keep praying for the important work you guys are doing.

  4. Hannah-that was so touching. You are such an incredible person, and Micah is truly fortunate to have you for a Mom! One of the biggest desires of my heart was always to have children. I know that God had a purpose when this did not work out for me, and while it did take some time, I am so grateful for what he has done in my life. You are a true inspiration, and I will continue to pray his blessings into your life! I love you!

    • Aunt Linda, your words mean so much to me! And thank you too for sharing your desire and how God has given you peace as time has gone on. I am so grateful that you became a part of the family and I always looked forward to seeing you at family gatherings growing up. I felt that same way about Uncle Steve too. You were always so warm, welcoming and full of joy. I miss getting to see you and spend time with you, but I know God still connects our hearts from afar. You are such a special person and I’m so grateful for you, for your prayers and for the blessing that you are. I love you too!!

  5. Hannah, this is such an honest and touching post. I didn’t know you have been trying for another baby but I will definitely be praying for you guys. I don’t know what it’s like to be waiting in the same way that you are but I know what it means to wait and pray for something for so long that you feel like giving up. I don’t know how much you really know about my parents and my siblings but I can remember praying for miracles in my family when I was Elena’s age. Just recently things seemed so bad I just wanted to give up on everyone. I just felt numb to the whole mess and I didn’t even want to pray anymore. In that moment I just heard God telling me “Love alone is worth the fight”. I really love that new song by Switchfoot. He was just telling me, “Hold on! Even when it doesn’t make sense. Even when you don’t want to anymore. Even when it hurts. Even when you think you can’t anymore. Hold on!” That was about two months ago and since then things really have started changing. Its not the end of the battle, not even close. But it is the beginning of hope and that is exactly what I needed. All that to say, just hold on to Him. He loves you and he is big enough to handle it when you’re angry and scared and depressed. I feel like I’m preaching to the choir but my hope was to encourage you. You are a great Mommy and reading the way you think about Micah really reminds me to enjoy the little gifts God has given to me. Even though sometimes things are so busy I can’t tell which way is up, it really helps me to remember what a gift each one of my children is and how precious my time with them is.

    • Erin, thank you for taking the time to encourage me. I appreciate you sharing your “waiting” and what God is teaching you through it…and even though our “waitings” are different, I can relate to the feelings you mentioned. And that Hold On song reminds me of a poem I wrote many years ago, that I actually titled “Hold On.” When I look back at it, it reminds me that there have been different seasons of waiting in my life. This waiting season I’m in right now seems harder than any other, and it’s not something I’ve talked much about because it seems like lately every time I do, tears just start flowing. I don’t understand, but I know God does and I’m I’m holding onto Him and His promises. So thankful for your words Erin—thanks again!

  6. Your posts are always so encouraging, Hannah! Even though you are experiencing such a hard thing right now, His light is able to shine through you! 😀 I love your blog and I always know I’ll feel uplifted after reading!

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